S.O.S.! HELP! ASSISTANCE!


Dearest friends,

I recently received a tragic piece of news: according to my sources within Hollywood, beloved child actress Dakota Fanning has contracted a rare virus that is causing her freakishly large eyes to grow at such a rate they they threaten to consume her entire skull. Apparently, the only way to save her precious life is to vote for me, Christian Finnegan, in Comedy Central's Stand-Up Showdown. I know it sounds strange, but you don't want that poor girl's blood on your hands, do you? DO YOU??!

Also, I feel compelled to mention that voting for me in Comedy Central's Stand-Up Showdown (there's that link again) can add 1-3 inches to the length of your penis. You know...if that's your kind of thing.

Not buying it? Okay, how's this: I'm a pathetic weenie, grovelling for your charity. Hell, whatever motivates you to spend a few seconds voting for me in Comedy Central's Stand-Up Showdown (last time, I promise) is a-okay with me. Just follow your heart.

Time is running out, people. Let's all get on the Finny train before I slip out of the Top 25 and I'm forced to have an awkward "What happened?" conversation with my relatives. Just go to Comedy Central's Stand-Up Showdown (okay, I lied), scroll down towards the bottom until you see my big, dumb face and click "Vote Now". And then, do the same thing tomorrow. Think of it as exercise for your mouse-ing muscles.

Thank you so for your continued support.

Check out the Best Week Ever clip dated Wednesday, January 18th for Christian's last installment of What Your Purchases Say About You. Click here for the video.

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VOTE NOW! CONVINCE COMEDY CENTRAL I'M VALID!

Good day, inhabitants of this magical land known as the Tower of Hubris.

As a result of the large amounts of laundered cash I've been leaving behind a dumpster, or perhaps due to some clerical error, I have been named one of Comedy Central's "Top 25 of 2005". As you can imagine, this is quite an honor.

On January 29th 2006, Comedy Central will be airing half-hour specials by the entire "Top 25", countdown-style, as part of their "Stand Up Show Down". If you would be so kind as to take a moment and vote for little ol' me, I would be eternally grateful. I have no lillusions about beating out all of the other great comics on the list (not to mention a couple of not-so-great ones). But I AM hoping to avoid coming in 25th.

So go to http://www.comedycentral.com/events/SUSD/. Scroll down to the bottom, pick me, then click "Vote Now". Spread the word and vote often! Free turkey sandwich to the person who votes the most often (thereby skewing and invalidating the whole process)!

And remember: Comedy Central will air the stand up comedy specials of all 25 finalists (including mine) on Sunday, January 29th. Check it out, coolies.

Sincerely,
Christian Finnegan,
the captain of your heart

HAPPY NEW YEAR!



The Calendar page is updated which includes mostly college gigs for all you students out there. If you want to book Christian to appear at your school, drop an email and he'll have his people contact your people...or something like that.

Did you know Christian was on MySpace? Yup, he is.